


Transformers ficlets and headcanons temporary dump

by CalmThynSelf



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Beast Wars
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Slightly Smutty, hopefully funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 09:57:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16830334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalmThynSelf/pseuds/CalmThynSelf
Summary: Because tumblr porn is dying I need a new place to share my neverending piles of garbage





	1. Whirl's human crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whirl has a crush on a human...
> 
> He's also a tsundere

Whirl throws an internal TANTRUM every time you enter the room. 'Oh, your SoOo Cute!' What, you think you're better than him!? Just you wait! He'll wipe that smug look off that perfect little face! He so uptight about it that if you or anyone else so much as tap his shoulder, he'll throw whatever's in his hand to the ground and scream "Bar Fight!"  
Whether you're in the bar or not doesn't matter. He needs something to avoid talking or even Thinking about you. When you two do have to interact, he tries to be cold and cynical, but your sweet, oblivious nature gets him freaking out. They never seemed to be scared of him at all no matter what he did. He starts yelling again, stammering for something mean to say. He ends up just turning around leaving, but some people (particularly swerve and skids) recognizes the his flaring optics as the need to get rid of some 'excess charge'.  
One day, the human, Swerve and Skids are just hanging out at the bar. They've had a few drinks and Skids catches Whirl starring at them from the corner time and time again. He dares the human to go over there and give him a kiss. Now they've confessed to liking Whirl before so, despite some initial hesitation, they didn't they didn't bother questioning skids motives or trying to get out of the dare and started walking swords Whirl. That doesn't mean Swerve didn't have any questions.  
"What are you doing!? You trying to get them (and my whole bar) killed?" Swerve almost scolded.  
"I've had about enough of Whirl's shitty bar fights. I figure if this doesn't get them fucking, nothing will."  
……………  
"Hey Whirl?"  
Whirl didn't respond, starring at a very interesting spot on the wall.  
"... Whirl?"  
"What?"  
"I got something to show you"  
He slammed a clawed arm on the table to and leaned over, getting up in your face as he let out a harsher, "What!?"  
And they give him a peck just underneath his optic. He starts malfunctioning. It's very clear that he likes you. And, at this rate, he'll never convince himself otherwise.


	2. Cuddle Headcanons, Rodimus,Drift, and Ratchet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title pretty much explains everything

Cuddling  
Rodimus, Drift, and Ratchet  
I'm so sorry this has taken so long, I certainly hope it was worth it.  
(Also, this more or less turned into sleeping and do-you-wanna-fuck? headcanons instead of just cuddles but hey, sue me)

## Rodimus:  
-Saying he's the big spoon would actually be an understatement. It's more like you're a teddy bear he tries to suffocate every night. He'll wrap his arms and legs around you, efficiently cutting off all movement.   
-He's a relatively deep sleeper. You can yell at him all you want, he won't so much as twitch.  
-However, if you so much as try to wiggle for breathing room, he'll stir.  
-When you do wake him up he'll be really pissy for the next hour or so. If he can't sleep, he won't let you either.  
-There is a chance he'll wake up feeling rather horny. He cuddles you more intently and nips lightly at your skin to try and get you in the mood

## Drift  
\- Most of the time drift lies on his back with an arm around you while you're half draped over his side.  
\- He sometimes reads to you when you're restless, or will just chant soft praises in your ear.  
\- other times, when you're feeling particularly stressed, he'll give a wonderful massage. He knows exactly where you hold all your tension and he makes sure to get every last bit out of your tired frame.  
\- It doesn't stop when your finally relaxed either. He'll knead at your thighs, and lightly pepper kisses on your eyes your cheeks, your lips, as his praises turn to sweet nothings.

## Ratchet  
\- Now Ratchet isn't much of a cuddler by nature. But you don't give him much choice when you straddle his torso and hug and nuzzle his chest. He'll scowl in dismay but he can't help but to stroke the small of your back, watching you fall asleep on top of him.  
\- He's a pretty light sleeper, If you toss and turn at all, he's up. But if you're trying to wake him up, he'll keep his eyes closed shut, praying that you'll give it a rest and let him catch just a few more precious minutes of recharge.  
\- If you try to get him in the mood or he himself is feeling frisky, he'll keep one hand on your chin to help pull you into kisses while the other rubs your smooth rear. He might even give it a playful smack every now and then just he listened to those adorable wipers you make.


	3. Best decepticon headcanon of all time! Megatron/Optimus Primal

Beast wars Megatron and the fact that his deep, melodious voice is nothing in the face of his dirty talk which is Pure, Neverending OBNOXIOUSNESS.

"Yesss, such a filthy little Maximal you are, begging for the spike of Predacon. Your worst enemy in fact. Yes, tell me Optimus. What your subordinates say if they saw you here now? Vulnerable and willingly at my mercy?"

"They'd say 'He's been bent over the command center for twenty minutes now without getting spiked. Why hasn't he left yet?'"

"My, such a needy little thing aren't you? Yesss"

"uughhh"


End file.
